Adult children resent ministering parents who are always asking for money

Dear Dave,

I’m opening to consciousness immoderate bitterness and resentment towards my parents for their caller decisions and financial irresponsibility. Fifteen years ago, while I was still successful school, they near good-paying jobs to participate nan ministry. They some took salary cuts erstwhile they made this decision, and they’ve been regularly asking for money for surviving expenses from my hubby and I ever since.

Sometimes, they moreover effort to make america consciousness blameworthy if we can’t springiness them nan magnitude they inquire for. My mom, especially, perpetually brings up their telephone to nan ministry, adding that we should want to thief them. We judge successful their calling, but we besides consciousness they knew they would person to unrecorded connected little money, and they’re being irresponsible pinch nan money they make. What should we do?

Abigail

Dear Abigail,

What I’m proceeding is giving money to your parents isn’t needfully a financial hardship for you and your husband, but that by consistently giving aliases loaning your parents money you’re losing respect for them. This is not a patient situation. Your narration has go strained, and that’s a reliable point for anyone to woody with—especially successful a parent-child scenario.

Make nary mistake, going into nan ministry pinch nan correct bosom is an admirable thing. However, successful nan Bible, Paul made tents while he conducted his ministry. I’m paraphrasing, of course, but his statement was to nan effect of, “If you don’t work, you don’t eat.” He had a job. So, I don’t deliberation suggesting your folks deliberation astir moving extracurricular nan ministry while trying to do God’s activity is unfair successful a business for illustration this.

I’m judge your mom is simply a bully person, but nary 1 should do this to their child. On apical of it all, she sounds for illustration a recreation supplier for guilt trips—like she’s moving you complete while implying it’s each really for God. That’s not only toxic, it’s conscionable plain wrong.
It’s going to beryllium difficult to unravel it each and move this into a respectable business wherever they’re not perpetually asking for money, and you’re not emotion unit and falling unfortunate to nan blameworthy feelings that alteration this behavior. I dream each of you will see sitting down pinch a reasonable, nonsubjective 3rd statement and talking things through. I besides dream you’ll return immoderate clip to publication a book called Boundaries by Dr. Henry Cloud. It will unfastened your eyes to a fewer things.

God bless you and your family, Abigail.

—Dave