Dr. Ruth Westheimer, America’s diminutive and pioneering sex therapist, dies at 96

Mark Kennedy, Associated Press intermezo writer

NOTE CONTENTS: Discussion of sex.

NEW YORK (AP) — Dr. Ruth Westheimer, nan diminutive activity therapist who became a popular icon, media prima and best-selling writer done her frank talk astir once-taboo chamber topics, has died. She was 96.

Westheimer died connected Friday astatine her location successful New York City, surrounded by her family, according to publicist and friend Pierre Lehu.

Westheimer ne'er advocated risky intersexual behavior. Instead, she encouraged an unfastened speech connected antecedently closeted issues that affected her assemblage of millions. Her 1 recurring taxable was location was thing to beryllium ashamed of.

“I still clasp old-fashioned values and I’m a spot of a square,” she told students astatine Michigan City High School successful 2002. “Sex is simply a backstage creation and a backstage matter. But still, it is simply a taxable we must talk about.”

Westheimer’s giggly, German-accented voice, coupled pinch her 4-foot-7 frame, made her an improbable looking — and sounding — outlet for “sexual literacy.” The contradiction was 1 of nan keys to her success.

But it was her extended knowledge and training, coupled pinch her humorous, nonjudgmental manner, that catapulted her section power program, “Sexually Speaking,” into nan nationalist spotlight successful nan early 1980s. She had an unfastened attack to what 2 consenting adults did successful nan privateness of their home.

“Tell him you’re not going to initiate,” she told a concerned caller successful June 1982. “Tell him that Dr. Westheimer said that you’re not going to dice if he doesn’t person activity for 1 week.”

Her power occurrence opened caller doors, and successful 1983 she wrote nan first of much than 40 books: “Dr. Ruth’s Guide to Good Sex,” demystifying activity pinch some rationality and humor. There was moreover a committee game, Dr. Ruth’s Game of Good Sex.

She soon became a regular connected nan late-night tv talk-show circuit, bringing her characteristic to nan nationalist stage. Her emergence coincided pinch nan early days of nan AIDS epidemic, erstwhile frank intersexual talk became a necessity.

“If we could bring astir talking astir intersexual activity nan measurement we talk astir fare — nan measurement we talk astir nutrient — without it having this benignant of connotation that there’s thing not correct astir it, past we would beryllium a measurement further. But we person to do it pinch bully taste,” she told Johnny Carson successful 1982.

She normalized nan usage of words for illustration “penis” and “vagina” connected power and TV, aided by her Jewish grandmotherly accent, which The Wall Street Journal erstwhile said was “a transverse betwixt Henry Kissinger and Minnie Mouse.” People mag included her successful their database of “The Most Intriguing People of nan Century.” She moreover made it into a Shania Twain song: “No, I don’t request impervious to show maine nan truth/Not moreover Dr. Ruth is gonna show maine really I feel.”

Westheimer defended abortion rights, suggested older group person activity aft a bully night’s slumber and was an outspoken advocator of condom use. She believed successful monogamy.

In nan 1980s, she stood up for cheery men astatine nan tallness of nan AIDS pandemic and said retired loudly for nan LGBTQ community. She said she defended group deemed by immoderate far-right Christians to beryllium “subhuman” because of her ain past.

Born Karola Ruth Siegel successful Frankfurt, Germany, successful 1928, she was an only child. At 10, she was sent by her parents to Switzerland to flight Kristallnacht — nan Nazis’ 1938 pogrom that served arsenic a precursor to nan Holocaust. She ne'er saw her parents again; Westheimer believed they were killed successful nan state chambers astatine Auschwitz.

At nan property of 16, she moved to Palestine and joined nan Haganah, nan underground activity for Israeli independence. She was trained arsenic a sniper, though she said she ne'er changeable astatine anyone.

Her legs were severely wounded erstwhile a explosive exploded successful her dormitory, sidesplitting galore of her friends. She said it was only done nan activity of a “superb” surgeon that she could locomotion and skis again.

She joined her first husband, an Israeli soldier, successful 1950, and they moved to Paris arsenic she pursued an education. Although not a precocious schoolhouse graduate, Westheimer was accepted into nan Sorbonne to study psychology aft passing an entranceway exam.

The matrimony ended successful 1955; nan adjacent year, Westheimer went to New York pinch her caller boyfriend, a Frenchman who became her 2nd hubby and begetter to her daughter, Miriam.

In 1961, aft a 2nd divorce, she yet met her life partner: Manfred Westheimer, a chap exile from Nazi Germany. The mates was joined and had a son, Joel. They remained wed for 36 years until “Fred” — arsenic she called him — died of bosom nonaccomplishment successful 1997.

After receiving her doctorate successful acquisition from Columbia University, she went connected to thatch astatine Lehman College successful nan Bronx. While location she developed a specialty — instructing professors really to thatch activity education. It would yet go nan halfway of her curriculum.

“I soon realized that while I knew capable astir education, I did not really cognize capable astir sex,” she wrote successful her 1987 autobiography. Westheimer past decided return classes pinch nan renowned activity therapist, Dr. Helen Singer Kaplan.

It was location that she had discovered her calling. Soon, arsenic she erstwhile said successful a typically folksy comment, she was dispensing intersexual proposal “like bully chickenhearted soup.”

“I came from an Orthodox Jewish location truthful activity for america Jews was ne'er considered a sin,” she told The Guardian successful 2019.

In 1984, her power programme was nationally syndicated. A twelvemonth later, she debuted successful her ain tv program, “The Dr. Ruth Show,” which went connected to triumph an Ace Award for excellence successful cablegram television.

She besides wrote a nationally syndicated proposal file and later appeared successful a statement of videos produced by Playboy, preaching nan virtues of unfastened intersexual sermon and bully sex. She moreover had a bid of calendars.

Her emergence was noteworthy for nan civilization of nan time, successful which then-President Ronald Reagan’s management was dispute to Planned Parenthood and aligned pinch pro-conservative voices.

Phyllis Schlafly, a staunch anti-feminist, wrote successful a 1999 portion “The Dangers of Sex Education,” that Westheimer, arsenic good arsenic Gloria Steinem, Anita Hill, Madonna, Ellen DeGeneres and others were promoting “provocative activity chatter” and “rampant immorality.”

Father Edwin O’Brien, nan head of communications for nan Catholic archdiocese of New York who would spell connected to go a cardinal, called her activity upsetting and morally compromised.

“It’s axenic hedonism,” O’Brien wrote successful a 1982 sentiment published by The Wall Street Journal. “The connection is conscionable indulge yourself; immoderate feels bully is good. There is nary higher rule of overriding morality, and there’s besides nary responsibility.”

Westheimer made appearances connected “The Howard Stern Radio Show,” “Nightline,” “The Tonight Show,” “The Ellen DeGeneres Show,” “The Dr. Oz Show” and “Late Night pinch David Letterman.” She played herself successful episodes of “Quantum Leap” and “Love Boat: The Next Wave.”

Her books see “Sex for Dummies,” her autobiographical useful “All successful a Lifetime” (1987) and “Musically Speaking: A Life done Song” (2003). The documentary “Ask Dr. Ruth” aired successful 2019.

During her clip arsenic a power and tv personality, she remained committed to teaching, pinch posts astatine Yale, Hunter, Princeton and Columbia universities and a engaged assemblage speech schedule. She besides maintained a backstage believe passim her life.

Westheimer received an honorary doctorate from Hebrew Union College-Institute of Religion for her activity successful quality sexuality and her committedness to nan Jewish people, Israel and religion. In 2001 she received nan Ellis Island Medal of Honor and nan Leo Baeck Medal, and successful 2004, she received nan grade of Doctor of Letters, honoris causa, from Trinity College.

Ryan White, nan head of “Ask Dr. Ruth,” told Vice successful 2019 that Westheimer was ne'er personification pursuing trends. She was ever an state of cheery authorities and an advocator for family planning.

“She was astatine nan forefront of some of those things passim her full life. I met her friends from her orphanage saying moreover erstwhile she met cheery group passim her life successful nan ’30s, ’40s, and ’50s she was ever accepting of those group and ever saying that group should beryllium treated pinch respect.”

She is survived by 2 children, Joel and Miriam, and 4 grandchildren.

___

Mark Kennedy is astatine http://twitter.com/KennedyTwits