I paid off six figures of debt and am in control of my finances, but I can’t forgive myself for dumb things. How do I stop obsessing over it?

Dear Dave,

I’ve made a batch of stupid money mistakes successful nan past. Even though I yet paid disconnected six figures successful indebtedness a fewer years agone and americium successful power of my finances for nan first clip successful my life, I’m having a difficult clip forgiving myself for each nan dumb things I did. I person an emergency money and different savings group aside, and I’m almost fresh to bargain a house. But it seems for illustration there’s still a unreality hanging complete my caput from each my bad decisions. How do I extremity obsessing complete my past financial mistakes?

Brea

Dear Brea,

If you’ve had capable determination to salary disconnected six figures’ worthy of indebtedness and to build savings connected apical of that successful nan past fewer years, you’re doing a phenomenal job! Most group would conscionable make excuses aliases springiness up, but you knowledgeable yourself, put your caput down and stomped retired each that debt. I’m very proud of you, hon. What you’ve done speaks volumes astir your characteristic and self-discipline.

The precocious Maya Angelou erstwhile said, “Do nan champion you tin until you cognize better. Then erstwhile you cognize better, do better.” That’s nan cardinal for you, I think. Doing dumb things doesn’t ever mean you’re a dumb person. Sometimes, we conscionable don’t person nan knowledge aliases guidance we request to do things nan correct way. But erstwhile you learned a fewer things and saw location was a amended way—a smarter way—you jumped successful and made unthinkable things happen. You cleaned up your finances, and you changed your full early for nan better. I deliberation that’s beautiful cool. And you cognize what else? It makes you a beautiful smart lady.

I deliberation portion of your struggle whitethorn beryllium nan truth that you’ve spent much clip making nan incorrect decisions pinch money than you’ve spent making nan correct ones. That’s understandable. But clip will thief heal that struggle. It’ll region you emotionally from nan aged you until you’re assured successful nan caller you—not conscionable successful your actions, but successful your bosom and mind. I mean, deliberation astir it this way: If you violated spot pinch a friend, really would you rebuild it? First, it would return time. And second, it would return a bid of trustworthy actions.

Let’s opportunity personification had a drinking problem for a agelong time, but they’ve been barren for 3 months. After 3 months, their spouse still mightiness not spot them pinch nan checkbook. I wholly get that. It’s a bully start, but it’s not for illustration they haven’t had a portion successful 3 years. That’s wherever clip comes into play. The much clip they show a coagulated shape of not going backmost to nan bottle, nan much grounds they create for why others should spot them.

I deliberation you’ve developed a beautiful bully way grounds of being smart pinch your money, Brea. So trim yourself immoderate slack. If God is consenting to forgive america for nan really bad things we opportunity and do, you request to beryllium capable to widen a small grace to yourself for nan dumb things successful your financial past.

— Dave